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His Song: A Transition

January 2, 2019

 

 

When a relationship ends, some people take time to themselves to heal, and some people go out and explore their options.  Unfortunately, after my friend from friend song strongly advised that I not date for a while, I did not listen.  After 14 years of constant companionship (even if it was not emotionally healthy), it became a habit and even an addiction.  I even let a great friendship fall to the wayside as I tried to recreate the situation that lead me to immense emotional turmoil, and I ended up dating again. 

 

Dating again after a failed relationship is both good and bad.  It does help you forget about your pain and increase your confidence, but it is only temporary.  I had a tendency to put myself second in an effort to keep the other person happy because I wanted to be loved again so badly.  I wanted to be a better person than I was before because I did not want anyone to have any cause to leave me ever again.  In this process, I put the other person on a pedestal, and when I still felt instances of rejection, the pain was magnified because my entire sense of self worth was wrapped up in how much this person liked me.  This was too much pressure on the other person; however, it was not fair for me to feel I had to be the other person's concept of perfection.  

 

"His song" was written in a period of disillusionment.  I was convincing myself how happy I was, but I could not be myself fully.  I was being what I thought someone needed and wanted.  I stopped a lot of things I enjoyed because I did not want them to feel the way my husband felt during our marriage.  I was trying to be the wife I thought I should have been to someone who had not even earned the privilege of having me as a wife.

 

If one cannot be themselves, they cannot truly be happy.  I think after the end of a long relationship that a lot of people automatically try to change  themselves to be someone they think would be more lovable, but they do not try to process the trauma that has just occurred fully. It is hard to tell if transition relationships hinder or help people.  I know that I am stronger; however, I do miss how soft and trusting my heart used to be.           

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